Missing the Singer of My Songs

The other night, I found myself at a rather large dinner table. There were 4 Elderly, Silver haired couples and me. It was very difficult to sit there listening to their chatter. Their history together, their inside jokes and jabs. When I was small, I sat at similar table, headed by my Grandparents. They were the stable column of our family. Sitting at Sunday Night's table, made me grieve over what is lost. I shall never have that history with my spouse, the longevity of marriage, inside jokes and jabs. Fond reminiscences of our shared lives. I grieve for the loss of what could have been. I had a spouse who was the Singer of my songs. He got me. We had inside jokes and jabs. We had a history of stories involving children and careers and religion. Topics that make up a lifetime of living together. Almost 30 years worth. He sang my songs, he sang to me his songs and together, we lived quite a harmonious life. It may have ended on a sour note, but that was just temporary. The symphony in general was sweet. I lost him too young. I miss his songs, I miss his melodies. I miss his rhythm. I miss him

Becky

chances to say goodbye

It's with sadness I post at this time. My friend was killed in a car accident yesterday. She was a passenger in a family auto, her husband driving. Her husband, Jens, is a dear friend of mine from when we were 16 in Provo. I re-connected with him when we moved to Nampa. I was sitting at a picnic table at a Ward Picnic, visiting with Kris Jensen. As we got acquainted , it became clear that her husband was the Jens that I used to know. Kris was thy sweetest, kindest person on earth. She was so good for Jens. He adored her and they were truly soul-mates. They had the kind of marriage that most of us just hope for. My heart goes out to Jens, as he is in ICU, so is their son Elijah. Noah is in fair condition.

In January, Jens and I had a conversation about me losing John. He stated that he could not conceive how hard it would be to lose Kris. He was at a loss for words at how it must feel to lose a spouse. He will now have to face this in his life. It is hard and I wish him comfort and peace as he heals not only his body, but his soul with out his dear companion Kris.

Chasing History while sorting "Stuff"

I have a colossal job of cleaning out my garage. I would really like to park my car in there before winter sets in. I don't like to scrape windows.

Most of it is admittedly my school stuff. Being a teacher for 20 years and changing schools, has added up to a huge pile of stuff. I wanted a less crowed classroom, so opted to set up a section of my garage for my stuff. Don't know how to describe it, other than stuff. It will be organized by months and themes with-in the months. It will be so much easer to access, and lesson planning can be done at home instead of after-hours at school when the janitor threatens to throw me out. I am actually excited about organizing my stuff. My mind churns with great ideas for the upcoming school year.

The other stuff, is the history of our family. Sadly, we had to sell our home in Nampa, and all the stuff has been shifted around for almost 5 years. I have slowly gone through it, but now I am down to the nitty gritty hard stuff. Anne has a pile of 6 tubs, but claims she doesn't have anything here. Steven's pile is less than that, mostly mission stuff and some old clothes. Kasen's stuff is from his room and is awaiting his return from his mission for him to sort through.

The hard stuff, is stuff that came from our much larger house. Memories contained in boxes. Hard stuff that I really don't want to face. Some are pleasant to sort through, others are harder to deal with. John's stuff shows up here and there and it is very hard to look at. I have to deal with it at some point. Perhaps some would say it is "therapeutic". I would say, I have had enough therapy for a lifetime, thanks. Move on. Chasing history, organizing piles of stuff so the next generation can have their turn at the memories of it all.

Road T rip Summer

Summer came and I decided to go on a road trip. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but I have been emotionally challenged for the past 5 years at least. This is my first solo road trip and I decided to go for broke. Literally. I left my house on June 29th and drove to Salt Lake City Utah. I stayed in a hotel a block from Temple Square. It was a Sunday Evening. I walked over to Temple Square and enjoyed that. I tried to find an open restaurant, which was nearly impossible on a Sunday in SLC. Finally, I went to the Blue Iguana, a mexican pub. I was able to meet up with Sally on Monday for breakfast and a lovely visit. I then drove to Provo to meet my dear friend Denise. She came up from AZ. We've been friends since 8th grade. We were able to visit for 2 days. It was very fun. We saw her mom, Mavis, 90. She is still doing hair. I also hiked part way up Rock Canyon to Little Kitchen, where Dan and I used to rappel. (that was another life) I then drove to Reno and spent a week with my sister Barb. We went to a concert along the Truckee River, Richie Havens, drove to Lake Tahoe for the 4th and did other touristy things during the week. Very relaxing a fun. Next leg of the journey was a night at home then a night at Mike's in McCall. Then the big drive to Montana. With a quick stop in Moscow to pick up Steven, we were on our way. We drove forever. Arrived in Missoula and then spent Sat. at a Farmer's market and sleeping. Fun. Meagan arrived at midnight and then the next day we drove forever again to a wedding on top of a mountain at a lookout. It was insane. We then drove back to Moscow, over Lolo Pass, 6 hours in the rain, with construction. We made it enjoyable by listening to Steven Ambrose's Undaunted Courage, a history of Lewis and Clark's journey. Very historical. We were so glad to get to Kooskie. We ate at a very sweet Cafe there. Then dropped Steven off in Moscow, driving another 2 hours to McCall. We were so exhausted by the time we got there. We spent the night, then went to my house the next day. I drove a total of 2788 miles in 15 days. It was fun, but a bit over the top for a first time outing in 5 years. Next time I will make it shorter.

Walking around the block

Sunday was the beginning of a new adventure in walking. Off and on during my 20's-40's I have walked miles and miles. A lot of times, I walked to get in shape, other times I walked to work off stress, either way, I always used the time to think. I am a solo walker. I don't really enjoy company on my walks because I have to keep up with them because I have shorter legs and stride than most. The thing I love most is the solitude time to think.

This week, I have walked 3 days, 2 miles each day. Yeah for me. I picked a route that has a hill, then a flat and then down the hill again. I try to leave before 8 so it's not so hot. It has been so cool and rainy this summer, so it's not necessary to get up at the crack of dawn, which I don't like to do.... I am not an early riser, unless it's a matter of life and death.

My goal this time for walking is to keep healthy both physically and mentally. My dad is 84 and walks everyday up Table Rock. He is amazing. My daughter panics about my health and fitness, so I am doing this for her too. I want to be around a long time for her and the boys.

So with that....it's a walk around the block.

Toasting to Dad

My two older brother's and I got a rare treat today. We got to hail a toast to our Dad on Father's Day. This may not sound so unusual, but for us, it was the first time in 28 years (at least) that we were able to be with our Dad in person on his day. We had a wonderful breakfast at the Trolley Station on Warm Springs, near his home. He looked fabulous, still has his charm and wit at age 84. Later, Mike, Dallas and I hiked up Table Rock and had a grand view of the Treasure Valley. It was cool and overcast, good for a hike. We sat on a rock at the top and watched a little lizard having a sunbath. He was very cute, trying to blend in.

I also went over to John's Dad's house and gave him a card and a brownie. He was happy to see me, he sits and fiddles with his stuff. Ora wasn't feeling well and had been asleep. Hug your loved ones whilst you can. They may not always be around.

Good day, good times with good people.

decluttering

My big brother Mike and his son Dallas helped me clear out my storage unit, thus saving $70 a month. Whoo hooo. That is a great feeling. I am now going to go through all the millions of boxes and declutter. I have decided to follow council and make my house a house of order. It may take me all summer, but I will prevail. My motivation is to get my car back into the garage by Sept. I really don't like to park in the driveway or scrape icy windows. Pretty good incentive I think.

Well, off to clear a few boxes. Declutter away!