early morning entry or why in the world am I awake?

Wondering why I keep waking up in the wee hours of the a.m.  Not sure. Too much on my mind. Being alone in a house is hard. I sometimes just miss the everyday sounds of another person's movements. Don't take those sounds for granted. Just knowing someone else is in the house can be comforting. Hearing them open a door, rustle around in the bathroom, getting dressed, opening the fridge, getting a snack and leaving a mess. The sounds that are just there. It's quiet. very quiet. Sometimes when my kids were little, I would just want peace and quiet. I used to hear people say, oh no.... just enjoy them, they will be gone soon enough. I would just shudder and say, you're wrong. I now know what they were saying. I bought a huge 3 foot stuffed white polar bear who sits in my living room. He has personality and greets me each day as I come home, but, alas, he is quiet. 

All quiet is not bad though.... I do enjoy my solitude, especially after spending 8 or more hours at school in a lively room of 21 first graders. I cherish those quiet moments when I can sit on my couch, put up my feet and just enjoy the moments of silence. It's at the dawning of the day, the tucking in at night and other moments in the day that catch me by surprise that I realize I am really alone.

Cinco De Mayo

Cinco De Mayo

Trying to explain the term to First Graders is funny. I do have some Hispanics that get it. I celebrated by going out to dinner with my Secret Seven girlfriends. We had some sad news. One of our group (Dawn) has a brand new grandbaby that was diognosed with cistic fibrosis. Her little family is in my prayers.

I can't spell. Just get used to it. As Mark Twain once said "I feel sorry for the man that can only spell a word one way."

Feeling like at age 51 all my fat has migrated around my middle. Very uncomfortable. Guess it would help if I worked out and ate better. hmmmm. maybe. No one to impress.

personal revelation

"Enduring isn't always overcoming. Sometimes it is being crushed to powder with his name on our lips."
Stephen Peterson
Lesson learned in endurance. Last 5  years have been that crushing sensation, but in the process I have become well aquainted with my Savior. Through his mercy, grace and love, I have been able to find the peace I never thought possible.

Sitting in the temple yesterday, I had a revelation to my mind that helped clarify my thinking about John and his brother. I realized that amends can happen after death. I am working to make amends to him that need doing in order for me to progress. He also is making amends to me. I can feel them and I know when they are offered. It is up to me to accept them and forgive him. Such a hard process, but necessary.

Grateful to be apart of this great Gospel of Jesus Christ. No other name on earth matters. No one else can heal me or give me the peace I desire. 

My next challenge is find Mine errand of the Lord. What will he have me do. Find it and carry it out.

Pearls of great price

For my would be 30th wedding anniversary, I bought myself a pearl ring. I picked out a very unique setting and my son Steven affirmed it was the right one. Pearls have  several symbolic meanings: Pearl of great price; don't cast your pearls before swine; a symbol for peace, to name a few.

For me: I have had to battle back from depression and am healing from a very painful episode in my life. Losing my husband twice: once to his demons he drowned in addictions and then to his untimely death at age 52. We were married 26 years. So, the reason for the ring.  John bought me a ring on each of our milestone anniversaries. 5 years---a simple gold band, 10 years---a sapphire, 20 a lapis and opal inlay. It seemed natural to me that I should get a pearl on the 30th to carry on the tradition.

The Pearl of Peace is especially significant. I have had to do a lot of soul searching, forgiving, healing and mending my heart as to events to that scarred me and wounded my soul and spirit. Pearls of great price have healed me: scriptures, prayers, ARP meetings, friends, family, home teacher, writing, knitting.

I have found peace in My Savior. The ultimate gift of peace. The finest pearl. The Pearl of great price to me.

conference encouragment

Persecutions may rage, anger may spill out, nay sayers may mock, but the truth is undeniable to me. It is my life. The work is true and will go on.

Grateful for the prophet of God on the earth today brings joy to my soul.

Talks about those who feel so alone, those of the widow, touch me deeply. I am not alone. I do have a family, a church family, an eternal family.

Too many blessings to list today. Just grateful for them all.

Enduring isn't just overcoming. Sometimes it's being crushed and ground to powder--with His name on my lips.

(Stephen E. Robinson)

Why do I quote this? Too often, I have felt like this. When I do cry out for Him, He encircles me in his grace and love. So much to be grateful for now. For so long, I was in a tunnel of pitch-blackness. The tiny dot of light at the end began to grow bigger and closer. Finally, after a lot of hard work, prayer, studying and faith, I have emerged from that very dark place. I don't ever want to go back into that dark night. 

Keep the faith.

Mile High Milkshakes

There this place in town that makes the absolute thickest milkshakes known to mankind. I just had a butterfinger one. Truely, so thick that a spoon stands up in it and doesn't budge. Creamy? Yes. So rich that I have to order the junior size.

Well worth every delectable bite.